Binding Generations: A Family Guide to Intergenerational Living

Plot twists in life are bound to occur, filled with unpredictability and emotions that comes with major changes. This may include something as intimate and difficult as welcoming an older adult in the home. This can lead to endless concerns or challenges that may be faced when sharing the home long-term. There could be a loss of personal space or privacy with the constant feeling of being observed in your own home. Statements of judgement on housekeeping, parenting, or lifestyle choices may be commented on. The responsibility of taking care of an older adult may cause frustration or feeling overwhelmed, which may also lead to feeling guilty. There may be lifestyle challenges such as a changes in routines, struggling with having time out, increase in overall costs and expense, and the potential medical emergencies or issues that may develop. “The relationship between work and family was conflicting, because of the difficulty of managing the demands due to overload. Caregivers were divided between their jobs and care duties, leaving little energy and time for self-care. For coping, they used as individual strategies to say prayers, listen to music, keep a good mood, talk to a friend, share and laugh about concerns, hire someone to help and fulfill the sense of duty to take care of parents,” (Medeiros et al., 2022, p. 13).

My current family structure is a nuclear family—just myself and my parents—which means that our space, routines, and responsibilities are centered around that dynamic. If we were to welcome my grandparent into our home, intentional changes such as adjusting our routines to balance different needs, making a clarification in roles and boundaries, adjusting our space to create privacy for them and for us, and being open to discussions about caregiving responsibilities, costs, and expectations would be required.

Each family has its own distinct book with its familiar rhythm and flow. Suddenly, there may be preparations to bind a new generation into your story by welcoming an older adult into your home full-time. This binding requires care and by joining these generations under one roof, a richer and stronger volume is established. This is one that may honor the past, one that supports the present, and one that builds a legacy for the future. This is a guide to intergenerational living.

Families in Every Form: A Journey Through Family Structures 

The following is a simplified chart that summarizes the different types of family structure that you may have including their definitions and examples:

Family Structure	Definition	Example
Nuclear Family	Two parents and their kid(s) living together	Dad, Mom, and two kids in one house
Extended Family	Other relatives besides parents and children living together (grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc.)	Grandparents, parents, and kids in one house
Single-Parent Family	One parent and their kid(s) alone living together	A dad raising his children in one house after a divorce
Blended Family	Parents and kids from a previous relationship form a new family	Stepparent living with stepchildren
Childless Family	Couple without kids	Married couple made the choice to not have kids
Grandparent Family	Grandparents as the primary caregivers	Grandparents raising their grandchildren
Adoptive Family	Parents with legally adopted kids	Couple who adopted a young girl
Foster Family	Temporary caregivers for kids placed by authorities	Family hosting foster kids in their home until the child has been adopted
Same-Sex Family	Couple of the same sex raising kids	Two moms or two dads raising kids in one house

 

In comparison to my family, three family structures that differs from mine are the following: single-parent family, extended family, and same-sex family. I only have myself and my parents under our roof, so the perspective of another family member or having parents of the same sex is foreign to me. Families come in different shapes and sizes and have their own unique way of living and caring for each other. Here’s how the three family types—a single-parent family, an extended family, and a same-sex family—may go through this change differently, and what important factors to consider for each.

Single-Parent Family

One adult is usually the one handling most of the caregiving and household responsibilities. When adding an older adult, this means the parent may need extra help on taking care of tasks. This could be overwhelming for them at times. Creating a plan for support and clear roles become important.

Extended Family

This type of family already has other relatives such as uncles, aunts, or cousins living together. Bringing in an older adult might have a change in feeling more natural since there’s the experience of already sharing space and caring for each other. However, it is still important to have clear communication so that everyone’s needs and boundaries are being respected.

Same-Sex Family

Parents may face unique challenges, such as the need to go explore family traditions or expectations from older generations. Adding an older adult could make this difficult. It is important to talk about respect and to create a supportive environment where everyone feels like they are included.

Binding the Basics: Universal Considerations for Every Household

“…recent studies have a more positive perspective, as they question the existence of only negative effects of one sphere on the other. In the spillover model, it is evident that there are not only negative, but also positive effects in the involvement of work on the family, and vice versa. Therefore, the relationship between the professional and family domains can be either positive or negative, or both simultaneously,” (Medeiros et al., 2022, p. 2).

For personal space, if it is possible, set aside a separate room or area for the older adult with a door they can close. This can promote privacy while allowing autonomy and a way for them to retreat when needed. Create a list of rules, maybe by writing them down, that are clear and include knocking before entering rooms, bathroom schedules, and quiet hours. This can help with intrusions and allows respectful boundaries. Room curtains or dividers can be purchased or created to create a personal space that is visual and physical. Noise-cancelling headphones can be used to lower the amount of stress in the house. A schedule could be made that allows alone-time for everyone in the house. This allows a time for each member of the house to have some time to themselves, either daily or weekly. Without time for themselves, a build-up of tension may occur. Something that I believe could be especially huge in personal space and privacy are consistent family meetings that overviews privacy concerns or if any boundaries need to be adjusted. This allows communication while working together to solve and discuss problems.

The family meetings could also overview communications to each other. Think before speaking and avoid “You always…” or “This is not how we do it here.” When things may feel overwhelming, it’s okay to express this without placing the blame on anyone. The house should also be a place that allows no judgement. If there is judgement, there will be someone in the household who would be negatively affected and may not feel safe in the house.

Costs may become more expensive and stressful when an older adult moves into a household. “…care givers are more inclined to delay seeking medical or dental care due to cost concerns and endure discomfort, such as feeling cold to save on heating expenses, compared to individuals who are not caregivers,” (Wang, 2024, p. 439). Review over expected expenses such as groceries, medications, utilities, etc. Create a plan for healthcare expenses, such as Medicare/Medicaid options but also insurance coverage and out-of-pocket costs. Here are a few government-supported websites that offer resources regarding costs:

• ·         Medicare.gov
• ·         ssa.gov (Social Security Administration)
• ·         ncoa.org (National Council on Aging)

For having time outside the home, consider a regular schedule that involves outings. Coordinate rides with other family members, neighbors, community services, or hobby groups to promote social interactions outside the household while others get to have the time outside to themselves. Encourage participation in community programs such as local senior clubs and hobby groups. Create a garden, porch, or patio if possible or if not already have one so that the older adult or others in the family could spend time outside. This allows a nice breathe of fresh air away from the routines inside the house without needing to go far.

***Check to see if your community has a website or social media. This can help find things to do for the older adult to spend time or family time together! Here’s a calendar my community has near my location that involves several activities within the area. They post a new calendar each month: 

Here are some other websites that offer resources and support for older adults, focusing on health, wellness, community engagement, and lifestyle:

• ·         aarp.org
• ·         nia.nih.org (NIH Senior Health)
• ·         ncoa.org (National Council on Aging)
• ·         healthline.com 

Like the spine of a well-loved book caring for an older adult connects the stories of where we’ve been with the pages still unwritten. Welcoming them into the home is an act of love, respect, and legacy. It’s not just making room inside our homes, but it is also strengthening the entire volume of our family. It’s the binding that holds generations together.

References 

Medeiros, T. J., Barbosa, G. C., Alves, L. C., & Gratão, A. C. (2022). Work-family balance among caregivers of elderly people: A systematic review. Cadernos Brasileiros de Terapia Ocupacional, 30, 1–19. https://doi.org/10.1590/2526-8910.ctoar241831542

Touhy, T. A., & Jett, K. (2022). Toward healthy aging: Human needs and nursing response (11th ed.). Elsevier.

Wang, M. (2024). Healthcare hardship of adult children taking care of aging parents. The International Journal of Aging and Human Development, 100(4), 424–445. https://doi.org/10.1177/00914150241268313